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IIPS Student afflicted with AIDS

It has come to the notice of the Observer that a certain student of IIPS has been moxed by Aggravated INTELLIGENCE Deficiency Syndrome(AIDS). Protracted exposure to television cartoon serials and Baywatch is stated to be the main cause behind this mentally crippling disease. Enquiries conducted by Observer have established the fact that the moxy patient has been moxed by AIDS ever since childhood.

Symptomatic of this disease, the patient is unable to pronounce mama. Instead, he always utters Pam(el)a. This speech impairment is manifest in his English too. As the legend goes, once he could not get a Pascal program to run. The masters of Pascal were called in to help, but to no avail. A passing colleague who was in the knowledge of his disability, promptly spotted the error  -  a misspelt highvedio. Four years hence, the disablity remains, worse than ever.

His trademark English is the talk of the town. To get over the hurdles of the english grammar, he has fathered a new universal word  -   MOX. Cutting across nouns, pronouns, adjectives, verbs, adverbs etc. this all powerful string simplifies English to a level of monotony that makes intelligence redundant. Needless, to say such a word is panacea for any AIDS patient, like him.

But sometimes, even MOX doesn't help. For example, once his crippled brain was put to a severe test in the Physics internals. Unable to think of anything to write, this poor creature copied the entire question paper on the answer sheet, not once but thrice.

This unfortunate incident led to the invention of another even more powerful word  -  GAS. Complementing the meaning of MOX, GAS forms the ultimate word in English. Literateurs at Oxford have reportedly conferred a D.Litt.(Doctor of Little knowledge) on him.

Despite suffering from AIDS, there is a burning desire in our hero to be a mard. To this effect, he boasts of one of the finest collections. Says the man, with unmistakable pride in his mardon wali voice  -  "Mard ko dard nahi hota!!".

This bold attitude is seen in another aspect of his persona. When the real world bores him, he enters the murky virtual world of DOOM, where only brawns and not brains matter. Blazing away with a puny pistol, our mard lives upto his claim with a flair. His being a AIDS patient, one should overlook the zillion saves and loads that he has to go through because of 0% health every five minutes.

Despite this never-say-die attitude, our mentally deranged subject is the butt of jokes over his vehicle  -  a run down rackety bicycle. It is said that once he was traced out by following the parts that had fallen off his bike while he was riding it. Yet, loyal man that he is, he refuses to give up his safar ka saathi, despite having spent over twice the amount of its cost, on its maintenance.

Observer was told that his favourite animal is pig. A touch of sadism prevails here. He asserts his supremacy over the hapless animals by throwing stones at them. When asked why, he explained that pigs having a marginally lower IQ than him, should be reminded of his exalted status. "Show them who's boss!" were his exact words. All the pigs of Indore are supposed to know him by scent. To achieve this he regularly takes a bath once in 10 days.

So disgusted are the pigs of him now, that once while he was riding a bike, a pig leapt at him on AB Road bringing him crashing down. Snorting with rage, our man chased the pig with a stone as usual, but the pig proved to be more than a match. The ill - aimed shot landed on a glass window of Fiza bar(opposite VT hostel) shattering it totally, and causing the bar owner to lodge a severe complaint. Fortunately for him, no action was taken. This unfortunate incident put him in a severe depression for over a week.

As with all AIDS patients, there is a hidden talent in this man. Brilliant at the game of chess, he sees little difference in this and the game of life. Often he is seen hugging the queens close to his heart and muttering Pal pal dil ke paas

He is exceptionally possesive, and excluding his collection, he is deeply attached to his bathroom slippers. Once, when someone robbed them from outside the lab., our man was so hurt, that he initiated a city wide manhunt to locate them, also enlisting the aid of a sniffer dog. The latter however died of asphyxiation while smelling his malodorous feet.

This AIDS patient has a scientific temperament too. Being an avid reader of Gamatusra, he believes that experimentation is the sole way of achieving pleasure. To this end, he has perfected the lesser known uses of toothpase, shaving cream, honey, strings, razor blades etc. His definitive text titled "69 Ways To Just Do It" is scheduled for release this evening. His previous book "MOX Report" was reportedly used at the Black House by Bill and Moni as a user guide.

This singular individual has proved that a AIDS need not be a limiting factor for a person. Whether the handicap is physical or mental, what really counts is the spirit. The old adage "Where there is a will" has been given a new lease of life by this person. He has set an example for all to follow. We should recognise his handicap, but treat him with dignity appreciating his motto  - 

Mard ko dard nahi hota

Lets all Keep The Faith !!

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